FRANK “IT’S THE WAY I TELL EM” CARSON HAS DIED AGED 85

Belfast born comedian Frank started out performing in local pubs and concert halls. He got his big break on the TV Show ‘Opportunity Knocks’ in the 1960s and then went on to take part in TV show ‘The Comedians’.
Described as “one of the nicest people in showbiz” Frank also worked tirelessly for charity.
Below are just some of his jokes and as he would say ‘IT’S A CRACKER’.
 Paddy calls a wrong number at 3am. "Is that O'Malley's Bar?" he asks. "No it's not, this is a private residence." "Oh, I must have the wrong number. Sorry to have troubled you," says Paddy. "Ah it's no trouble," says the stranger. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
 My father fought in World War I single-handedly destroyed the Germans' lines of communication. He ate their pigeon.
 A fella said to the doctor: “What’s the good news?” “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says: “What’s the bad news?” And the doc says: “We should have told you yesterday.”
 An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband demanded to know who the other man was.
 A fella walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.” The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.” He says: “There’s one in the window.”
 A fella walked into hospital and the doctor said: “You’ve got three minutes to live.” The man said: “Can you do something for me?” “Yes,” he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.”
 Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
 I don't think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
 I rang British Telecom. I said, “I want to report a nuisance caller.” He said: "Not you again.”
 My wife said to me: “If you won the lottery, would you still love me?” I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.”

Alhaurin el Grande - Living life to the full in a typically Spanish town

Having spent a third of my life living in Alhaurin el Grande I am obviously qualified to talk about this amazing market town, so strategically positioned that by car anyone can be in Malaga, Marbella, Fuengirola, or Torremolinos in less than half an hour. Check it out on Google if you don’t believe me!

Off course it was not always like this. In 1988 when I bought my first home in Alhaurin el Grande it used to take me one hour fifteen minutes to get to the airport, and yes I did have a good car.

The views of the Guadalahorce valley from almost anywhere in Alhaurin are breathtaking and if one is lucky enough to live on the east side at the foot of the forest the views stretch as far as Malaga bay. On clear winter days one can see the cruise ships sailing in and out of the harbour.

The history of Alhaurin can be traced back to Roman times when the hills (Sierra de Mijas) were populated by huge oak trees, highly valued by the Romans for their boat building industry.

The total population is around 25,000 of which 20% are foreigners, British, Dutch, and Scandinavian. In fact most of Europe is represented, as well as a good proportion of South American states.

There is no shop, bar, restaurant or house for that matter where a foreigner is not made welcome. The Alhaurinos hospitality is legendary and at first it may seem overwhelming until one realises that every visitor is treated the same. The exception to this rule is when a foreign visitor tries to change what the locals see as important aspects of their culture like bullfighting, personal questions about the civil war, questioning the need for their religious processions etc. These things and many others are considered sacrosanct and not worth talking about with someone who does not see it the way they do. Having said that his year the Mayor has banned the traditional ‘cattle race’ through the town’s streets during the Feria (local celebrations). The Mayor made this decision because he deems it to cruel to the animals. This is a real progressive decision which seems to have been accepted without to much protest.

My very first meal in Alhaurin was a dinner at Casa Paco and it’s still there serving good fish six days a week. In 1988 it was one of three restaurants. Today there are more than thirty restaurants including an Indian, Chinese, Italian and even a traditional English fish and chip shop.

My favourite place is Finca la Mota a 12 bedroom hotel with a lovely restaurant. The hotel is only a few kilometres from the town centre and well worth a visit. It is Dutch owned with a German chef who can cook just about any dish in the world better than they would in the country of origin. Yes even Paella! www.fincalamota.com.

There is enough nightlife in Alhaurin to satisfy the most demanding ‘ravers.’ I am told that the fashion this year is Music bars from techno to country and anything else in between. When the night is over you can have breakfast in ‘Bar Dany’ another institution open 24 hours per day for 11 months of the year.

For those seeking sports facilities, Alhaurin is second to none. The Municipal Sports Centre boasts indoor and outdoor swimming pools, tennis courts, paddle, football 7, basketball and much much more. From 7:30 until 22:30 the centre is a bee hive of activities.

For golf lovers like me there are two great courses only 4km from the town centre and 52 more within half an hours drive in almost any directions. www.alhauringolfresort.com. www.laurogolf.com.

Alhaurin el Grande is not immune to the present economic crisis effecting most of the western world, but its people, friendliness, the great weather and peaceful surroundings make this particular difficult period more bearable.

Of course for anyone wishing to buy a property now is the time. Prices are rock bottom and people (those affected most by the crisis) are willing to negotiate. Others would not sell their property for anything in the world because they could not find another place like Alhaurin el Grande anywhere in the world.