VALENTINES DAY

Ten Classic Valentines Sayings 1. Love is friendship set on fire. Jeremy Taylor 2. Love is a game that two can play and both win. Eva Gabor 3. Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it. Jerome K. Jerome 4. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach. Elizabeth Barrett Browning 5. 'Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man.' Anon 6. For twas not into my ear you whispered but into my heart. Twas not my lips you kissed but my soul. Judy Garland 7. Love is the heart of the soul. Robert Paul 8. A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you. Anon 9. My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. Emo Philips 10. I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. Anon Funny Valentine's Day Sayings • I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. • Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. • Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face. • Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you are not. • I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face. • I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I'm good at telling lies! • I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. • My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? • My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe 'Go To Hell'. • What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime ... Love and Marriage • A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. • Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. • When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. • Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man • A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' And the father replied, 'I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it.' • A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, 'If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!' The wife replied, 'My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here.'

FRANK “IT’S THE WAY I TELL EM” CARSON HAS DIED AGED 85

Belfast born comedian Frank started out performing in local pubs and concert halls. He got his big break on the TV Show ‘Opportunity Knocks’ in the 1960s and then went on to take part in TV show ‘The Comedians’.
Described as “one of the nicest people in showbiz” Frank also worked tirelessly for charity.
Below are just some of his jokes and as he would say ‘IT’S A CRACKER’.
 Paddy calls a wrong number at 3am. "Is that O'Malley's Bar?" he asks. "No it's not, this is a private residence." "Oh, I must have the wrong number. Sorry to have troubled you," says Paddy. "Ah it's no trouble," says the stranger. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
 My father fought in World War I single-handedly destroyed the Germans' lines of communication. He ate their pigeon.
 A fella said to the doctor: “What’s the good news?” “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says: “What’s the bad news?” And the doc says: “We should have told you yesterday.”
 An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband demanded to know who the other man was.
 A fella walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.” The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.” He says: “There’s one in the window.”
 A fella walked into hospital and the doctor said: “You’ve got three minutes to live.” The man said: “Can you do something for me?” “Yes,” he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.”
 Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
 I don't think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
 I rang British Telecom. I said, “I want to report a nuisance caller.” He said: "Not you again.”
 My wife said to me: “If you won the lottery, would you still love me?” I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.”