SAYINGS AND THEIR STRANGE ORIGINS

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride This phrase, surprisingly, was used to sell Listerine mouthwash! To promote their product, the manufacturers of Listerine employed the personal experience of girls at the time, who desperately wanted to settle down but seemed always to be left on the shelf. First used in the 1920’s, it portrays a situation and a possible explanation for the lack of success these girls had. Here is the transcript of the ad: Poor Edna was getting on for thirty and most of her girlfriends were either already married, or about to tie the knot. How she wished that, instead of being their bridesmaid, she could be the bride! However, any romance of hers invariably ended quickly. There was a reason. Unbeknownst to her, she suffered from bad breath and no one would tell her, not ever her closest friends. The advertisement sold millions of bottles of mouthwash and also gave the English language a new saying! Bark up the wrong tree Originating back when hunting was still a major sport, this phrase came from when animals were used to track, catch or retrieve prey. This applies, not least, to dogs. Dogs were used in the chasing of raccoons, which was chiefly undertaken at night and were trained to indicate the tree in which the animal had taken refuge by barking at it. Of course, even dogs can err and, at times, barked up the wrong tree. Be on a good footing A pleasant relationship with other people, not least those in a superior position, is portrayed as being ‘on a good footing’ with them. There are two thoughts as to where this saying came from. Some say the phrase goes back to a practice of early apprenticeships. It was the custom, on the first day at work, for apprentices to invite all their workmates for drinks. The new apprentice ‘footed the bill’. If proved a generous host, he made friends for keeps. The hospitality would never be forgotten. Recalling how much it had cost, it was said the novice gained ‘a good footing’. A second derivation links the phrase with an early and bizarre interpretation of human anatomy, the importance given to the length of one of a person’s digits. At one time, the dimension of the middle toes determined a person’s ‘standing’ in the community. Thus, the measurement of their foot decided their status in the eyes of others. Those whom nature and genes had endowed with large feet were lucky to be ‘on a good footing’. Draw your own conclusions on this one! Beat around the bush Someone who doesn’t get to the point is said to ‘beat around the bush’. The origin of this phrase is, undoubtedly, from hunting, and more specifically from the hunting of boars. A ferocious animal, it often hid in the undergrowth and beaters were employed and ordered to go straight in to chase it out. But very much aware, and afraid, of the animals’ sharp tusks, they much preferred to merely ‘beat around the bush’ a practice strongly disapproved of by their masters. Best foot forward When you are trying to make a good impression it is said that you should put your ‘best foot forward’. There are many options as to where this phrase came from, one being that it was believed that ‘the left’ was the realm of the devil, of evil and misfortune. After all the Latin word sinister means left, and in English sinister has kept its ominous meaning. Hence, it was advisable to keep the left foot behind and step forward with the best, the right, foot first. But this phrase seems to have come from the fashion world, rather than the occult. The saying can be traced to male vanity, particularly apparent in the late eighteenth century, the period of the dandy. His desire to attract people’s attention and admiration took strange and elaborate forms. At the time, people imagined that their two legs differed in shape and that ‘normally’ one was more becoming than the other. To draw attention to it they kept the worse one in the background, literally putting ‘their best foot forward’, and with it, of course, their leg. Bite the bullet A person who ‘bites the bullet’, without any sign of fear, acts with great courage in the face of adversity. The phrase recollects a dangerous army practice in the 1850s. Soldiers were then equipped with the British Enfield rifle. Prior to using it, they had to bite off the head of the cartridge to expose the explosive to the spark which would ignite it. The procedure was fraught with danger, particularly so in the heat of battle. It needed firmness and courage, as even the slightest deviation or hesitation would endanger the soldier. Blow Hot and Cold People who waver in their opinions and quickly change from being enthusiastic to showing disinterest are said to ‘blow hot and cold’. The saying can be traced to one of Aesop’s Fables. It was a cold winter’s day, and the freezing traveler was blowing on his stiff fingers. Mystified, a satyr wanted to know what he was doing. The man explained to him that, with his breath, he was warming his chilled fingers. Taking pity on him, the satyr invited the man to his home for a hot meal. This time, he watched him blowing on the food, which intrigued him all the more. Inquiring why he did so, his guest explained that he was blowing on the stew to cool it down. There and then the satyr told the traveler to leave at once. He was not prepared to entertain, or even mix with, someone who could ‘blow hot and cold from the same mouth’. Break a leg To wish an actor prior to his going on stage to ‘break a leg’ is a well-known practice. A pretty strange wish, actually it is meant magically to bring him luck and make sure that his performance will be a success. From the superstitious age it was thought that jealous forces, always present, are only too anxious to spoil any venture. A good luck wish would alert and provoke them to do their evil work, whilst a curse will make them turn their attention elsewhere. The underlying principle is the belief that if you wish evil, then good will come. I’m sure it’s called reverse psychology these days. Bury the hatchet To bury the hatchet means to create peace. With hostilities at an end, the hatchet was no longer needed, and therefore could be disposed of. Now a merely figurative expression, the phrase is based on an actual practice of North American Indians. When negotiating peace, they buried all their weapons; their tomahawks, scalping knives and clubs. Apart from showing their good faith, simultaneously it made it impossible for them to go on fighting. By hook or by crook The achievement of a goal with determination, by fair means or foul, is described as getting things done ‘by hook or by crook’. The origin of this phrase is linked with an early British practice, at a time when forests were still the exclusive property of royalty. For any unauthorized commoner, then, to gather firewood in them was a crime, poor people being the only exception. Though they were not permitted to cut or saw off branches, they were free to remove withered timber from the ground or even a tree, doing so by means of either a hook or a crook.

FRANK “IT’S THE WAY I TELL EM” CARSON HAS DIED AGED 85

Belfast born comedian Frank started out performing in local pubs and concert halls. He got his big break on the TV Show ‘Opportunity Knocks’ in the 1960s and then went on to take part in TV show ‘The Comedians’.
Described as “one of the nicest people in showbiz” Frank also worked tirelessly for charity.
Below are just some of his jokes and as he would say ‘IT’S A CRACKER’.
 Paddy calls a wrong number at 3am. "Is that O'Malley's Bar?" he asks. "No it's not, this is a private residence." "Oh, I must have the wrong number. Sorry to have troubled you," says Paddy. "Ah it's no trouble," says the stranger. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
 My father fought in World War I single-handedly destroyed the Germans' lines of communication. He ate their pigeon.
 A fella said to the doctor: “What’s the good news?” “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says: “What’s the bad news?” And the doc says: “We should have told you yesterday.”
 An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband demanded to know who the other man was.
 A fella walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.” The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.” He says: “There’s one in the window.”
 A fella walked into hospital and the doctor said: “You’ve got three minutes to live.” The man said: “Can you do something for me?” “Yes,” he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.”
 Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
 I don't think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
 I rang British Telecom. I said, “I want to report a nuisance caller.” He said: "Not you again.”
 My wife said to me: “If you won the lottery, would you still love me?” I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.”

Alhaurin el Grande - Living life to the full in a typically Spanish town

Having spent a third of my life living in Alhaurin el Grande I am obviously qualified to talk about this amazing market town, so strategically positioned that by car anyone can be in Malaga, Marbella, Fuengirola, or Torremolinos in less than half an hour. Check it out on Google if you don’t believe me!

Off course it was not always like this. In 1988 when I bought my first home in Alhaurin el Grande it used to take me one hour fifteen minutes to get to the airport, and yes I did have a good car.

The views of the Guadalahorce valley from almost anywhere in Alhaurin are breathtaking and if one is lucky enough to live on the east side at the foot of the forest the views stretch as far as Malaga bay. On clear winter days one can see the cruise ships sailing in and out of the harbour.

The history of Alhaurin can be traced back to Roman times when the hills (Sierra de Mijas) were populated by huge oak trees, highly valued by the Romans for their boat building industry.

The total population is around 25,000 of which 20% are foreigners, British, Dutch, and Scandinavian. In fact most of Europe is represented, as well as a good proportion of South American states.

There is no shop, bar, restaurant or house for that matter where a foreigner is not made welcome. The Alhaurinos hospitality is legendary and at first it may seem overwhelming until one realises that every visitor is treated the same. The exception to this rule is when a foreign visitor tries to change what the locals see as important aspects of their culture like bullfighting, personal questions about the civil war, questioning the need for their religious processions etc. These things and many others are considered sacrosanct and not worth talking about with someone who does not see it the way they do. Having said that his year the Mayor has banned the traditional ‘cattle race’ through the town’s streets during the Feria (local celebrations). The Mayor made this decision because he deems it to cruel to the animals. This is a real progressive decision which seems to have been accepted without to much protest.

My very first meal in Alhaurin was a dinner at Casa Paco and it’s still there serving good fish six days a week. In 1988 it was one of three restaurants. Today there are more than thirty restaurants including an Indian, Chinese, Italian and even a traditional English fish and chip shop.

My favourite place is Finca la Mota a 12 bedroom hotel with a lovely restaurant. The hotel is only a few kilometres from the town centre and well worth a visit. It is Dutch owned with a German chef who can cook just about any dish in the world better than they would in the country of origin. Yes even Paella! www.fincalamota.com.

There is enough nightlife in Alhaurin to satisfy the most demanding ‘ravers.’ I am told that the fashion this year is Music bars from techno to country and anything else in between. When the night is over you can have breakfast in ‘Bar Dany’ another institution open 24 hours per day for 11 months of the year.

For those seeking sports facilities, Alhaurin is second to none. The Municipal Sports Centre boasts indoor and outdoor swimming pools, tennis courts, paddle, football 7, basketball and much much more. From 7:30 until 22:30 the centre is a bee hive of activities.

For golf lovers like me there are two great courses only 4km from the town centre and 52 more within half an hours drive in almost any directions. www.alhauringolfresort.com. www.laurogolf.com.

Alhaurin el Grande is not immune to the present economic crisis effecting most of the western world, but its people, friendliness, the great weather and peaceful surroundings make this particular difficult period more bearable.

Of course for anyone wishing to buy a property now is the time. Prices are rock bottom and people (those affected most by the crisis) are willing to negotiate. Others would not sell their property for anything in the world because they could not find another place like Alhaurin el Grande anywhere in the world.

Confessions of a Real Estate Agent!

Until a few years ago I used to assure my clients that in Andalusia at least all properties which were not 100% legal could be legalised with the help of a competent lawyer, efficient Notary, a scrupulous registrar and a sympathetic politician (be it a mayor or a councillor for urban matters). That is how it used to work as recently as 2002. That was the year when the regional government came out of twenty years of voluntary hibernation and realised that the rats had emptied out the larder and indiscriminate building, resembling an overspill from a giant Lego, set had taken place. It is the normal practice of politicians in power to find ways of blaming others for their own mistakes. So The Junta de Andalucia proceeded to shut the stable door( the horse had already bolted), and beat the hell out of everyone left inside by issuing new normatives regulating urban and building matters in such a strange way, that no one can now understand what can legally be built, if anything!

The new normatives basically castrated all local councils whose main source of income was the issuing of building licences and the negotiated agreements with promoters, who would part with vast sums of money in order to see the their cheaply bought rustic land converted into building land.
Honest councils used the money received from these activities to improve the infrastructure of their towns and villages, while other not so honest politicians improved their own and their family’s bank accounts. Nobody in their right mind, with a minimum of social consciousness, likes to see the destruction of the Mediterranean coast or the spoiling of the Andalucian country side. Therefore clear laws, albeit too late, that regulate the building industry in Andalusia would be welcomed if and when they arrive.

What’s not welcome is the Andalucian Government’s current strategy of persecuting individual property owners, by the use of inquisition like tactics (aided and abetted by the notoriously dense and bureaucratic justice system) to the point that anyone who owns a legal property in the country side could be receiving hefty fines and in some cases demolition orders. What this region really needs (apart from a change in government ASAP) is an amnesty for all individual proprietors who possess a legal Escritura for their property, because the majority bought in good faith (advised by lawyers) and paid their transfer taxes, registration and notary fees.

Although personally I think it is a waste of public money, I understand the need to arrest and try corrupt politicians, speculators and promoters, who have made themselves rich by breaking the vague and confusing existing laws. What I cannot understand is that the weight of the judicial system should fall on individuals and families, most of them from northern European countries, who acted in good faith. The Andalucian government is projecting a banana republic image abroad, which will take a generation to forget, as well as damaging the already tenuous economy of the region.